It's my birthday...

...and I've had a great day!

It actually started with dinner last night. The Farmer treated me and our kiddos to Anthony's. Marvelous!

Then today, I had carrot cake for breakfast.

I went for coffee at Woods with my ma, pa and sisters.

I found treasures at the thrift store and antique shop.

I ate potato chips for lunch, and a cookie.

Flowers were delivered!

I enjoyed all the lovely greetings on Facebook, and in the mailbox.

The lawn was mowed for me.

I sat and watched the dogs lay in the sunshine...

I put my new treasures in their places...and enjoyed looking at them.

I didn't cook dinner.

And, best of all, I never hurried once!

I repeat, it was a great day...

And I'm glad about that, because I was a little ambivalent about my birthday this year. I love my birthday usually, and make sure its full of stuff I enjoy...

But this year, I turned 50...

That's me, and my mom, fifty years ago...

(I was a red-head then...wasn't it cute?!)

(My mom was pretty cute too!)

I've always thought it silly when people had "trouble" with getting older. Getting older never changed my opinion of them in the least! Of course, things (meaning things about your body) change, but you're older! What do you expect? Why be upset about it? The main thing is that you are still a good person, no matter what happens to the outside of you!

That was my theory anyway -- and it was a good one, until it was MY body that changed...Until I looked in the mirror and thought, "What happened?" So much of my life, I've been waiting until conditions were just right for me to look my best...What was I thinking? That it was going to get better??? Ha! I wasted all my prime years thinking I looked bad...stupid girl!

But more than the wrinkles, rolls, age spots (I prefer to call them "freckles", large "freckles"), and diminished physical capabilities (I can be injured just bending over to pick up a sock these days) is the disturbing realization that I am now MY PARENTS' AGE...

In my mind, my parents have been 50 for, oh...about the last 20 years. I mean, every year I think of them as being 50ish --- and I think of me as being...um...thirtyorfortysomething.

But that's not true anymore...FIFTY! ME! And if that's not hard enough to accept, I have to acknowledge that my parents aren't in their 50's anymore either...What???

As The Farmer says, turning 50 is sobering. It brings up all kinds of contemplative questions about what you've done with your life. It brings you face-to-face with some hard truths...

Apparently, I will never be a singer like Evie Tornquist. It's not gonna happen. I don't think there's much chance I'll be famous. I'm too tired to buy an old house and restore it. I doubt that barrel-racing or even horseback riding will be in my future...I will not ever have that hobby dairy farm or puppy boarding facility... And I still don't have any ideas about that book I was going to write...I won't -- (because I CAN'T -- that's the painful realization) do everything I've always dreamed about...

It's hard, facing the facts.

But it's kind of freeing as well...It's a lot of things you can stop worrying about, or pushing for... It's the "IYAM WHAT IYAM" stage of my life... In the last year -- my 49th, and what I have called "The Year of Completeness" (seven sevens, you know) -- I have stopped striving after superfluous stuff (which of course meant that I had to recognize that which is superfluous -- more contemplation)... I am much more discriminating about the things in which I choose to put time and effort. I think I finally have reasonable expectations of myself -- and maybe even of others! I realized that I'm a lot less gracious, and a lot more picky about "The Rules of Life"(as arbitrarily determined by my own interpretation of right and wrong) than I need to be so I'm learning more acceptance and graciousness.  I don't worry like I used to...God takes care of stuff -- all stuff! Life's too short to be fussing about something all the time. I make an effort to enjoy what I am doing, seeing, feeling in the moment.

I guess these are the benefits that come with the costs of being 50...I just wish sometimes that these epiphanies had come sooner...Undeniably, 50 is the back side of the hill...

Here's hoping the hill is long enough to really enjoy the late acquisition of wisdom!

I am a little nervous about that...