Monday, November 21, 2016

To Be, or To Do...

Today was full of activity...Nothing like 20-some dinner guest to motivate this Dutch Girl to live up to her heritage!

I spent the day cleaning and prepping, and since there's nothing like being overly busy, we also had to reorganize the freezer so we could fit one third of a half of beef in there. (Read slowly. It really makes sense.) When we did this, we found a repair was needed, so I cleaned the outside of the freezer, and some of the garage while The Farmer fixed the drain and drip pan.

And then we packed meat into boxes and delivered it to multiple freezers before heading back home to more work.

I have surprised myself with ambition and productivity this week! And it is pleasant -- though I am dog-tired right now. My Thanksgiving prep has been condensed as I spent most of last week in Yakima, attending the Washington State Farm Bureau Convention. I chafed at some of those meetings, I will admit, because they were using up time I could have spent getting ready in a more leisurely fashion. Three days of meetings are too many for me. Thankfully, I got to ride over and back with some fun people, as well as hang out with them between meetings, so it was not all chafing and impatience.

But I was glad to be home...and still am.

I had an epiphany recently, and it is helping me get through this condensed preparation time much better than I anticipated.

Often, I find myself paralyzed and procrastinating chores and projects. I just don't feel inclined to do them, and adopt an attitude of defeat before I begin. Of course, the procrastination makes this a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I find myself far behind my goals, with tasks and chores piling up and overwhelming me...which only makes me procrastinate all the more.

For many years, I have assumed that there is such a big streak of lazy in me that I just can't get away with work...Until, I found that, if there was no time pressure, I didn't mind working at most things. Wondering why this made such a big difference, I stumbled on the epiphany...

I feel defeated and overwhelmed not because of the work, but because I am trying to BE the person who is always on top of everything, who is intentional with firm plans, and disciplined in maintenance and chores.

I'm trying to make myself into someone I am not -- and it's impossible, and overwhelming, and defeating.

It might be better if I just did some work. That's all, just do the work -- and not try to make myself into an idealized type of person. (Though I do recognize there are those who are capable of my ideal. God bless you!) I can just work away at what needs to be done, and not worry that, were I the right kind of person, I wouldn't have any trouble with keeping up.

It sounds simple enough to be obscure. And maybe you are saying: why is this an epiphany?!

But it is profound to me. Just do the work. Don't wait until you change and THEN do the work. You'll never get there.

Another example: I want to be the kind of person who always knows the way to dress attractively. So much pressure! I don't know how to do it! Maybe I just need to be me, and dress myself as well as I can by copying those I admire.

Trying to be someone I am not has cost me a lot of time, and productivity, and caused me a lot of sadness. My life does not have to be a constant struggle between my ideals and my reality. Some things I am -- and some things I do. When I quit mixing those two up, I am much more free to be productive and happy.

Which is what I was today...Not overwhelmed with fear of failing what is ahead, but doing my best to help it go well -- and enjoying the journey.

Not bad for a Monday...A good start for this week of thankfulness.

About Me

Needing an outlet for various thoughts rattling in my head, I've created two blogs -- One about my real life (leslieisverbose.blogspot.com) and one where I can vent. (leslievents.blogspot.com)