Saturday, July 7, 2007

I’m not living right...


I just spent the morning attending the memorial service of a dear aunt, and upon reflecting on her life, that is my conclusion. I’m not living right...


Aunt Gert suffered in her youth the loss of her mother; later, the crushing loss of her son to war in Vietnam; the early death of her beloved husband; a heart attack; and then endured the consequences of a debilitating stroke. The notation in the margin of her Bible, penned after the death of her son: "Lord help me not become bitter!!"


And she did not...I presume this lack of bitterness was not just a gift that floated out of heaven to lay on her shoulders like a mantle of peace, but rather the result of daily battles against it, hard-fought, with gut-wrenching determination and not a few tears...


No, I’m not living right...I marinate in bitterness, thinking it my right. I suffuse my mind with cynicism, thinking myself bright. I criticize and judge, bemoan and regret...and a lot of times, I hate my life.


Aunt Gert, who chose gratefulness and trust, over bitterness and cynicism, also noted on paper, "I love life!" And now that is her legacy, a heritage passed on to her children, and to all the others who loved her...I sat in that church today surrounded by a community who gathered to appreciate her, to love her grieving children, to thank God for all that He had given our little world when he gave her to us – and I was ashamed of my sinful heart...ashamed of my faithlessness...ashamed of my weakness to fail to live with purpose...


Aunt Gert, thanks for the admonition once again . Thanks for showing me the end from the beginning...It is a better path, and I will change course to walk on it.

1 comment:

Megan said...

Dear sis, Aunt Gert's prayer to not be bitter struck me too. And you're right...it's a choice every day of our lives. Whatever Aunt Gert's idiosyncracies, she always ended up with a smile, she always ended up really caring about people, and she always ended up engaging someone. Sometimes those who have lost much know better than the rest of us how much they have to be thankful for and the preciousness of redeeming every moment for ourselves and for our Savior. Every song we sang in church yesterday, I thought of Aunt Gert singing lustily and with her broad smile before the throne of the Lord she trusted and served. With Uncle Dave and Duane and Seraphine and so many others. I pictured complete and utter joy as she worshiped the champion who had answered her prayers. May we be as filled with gratefulness this side of heaven. Love ya.

About Me

Needing an outlet for various thoughts rattling in my head, I've created two blogs -- One about my real life (leslieisverbose.blogspot.com) and one where I can vent. (leslievents.blogspot.com)