I’m not living right...
I just spent the morning attending the memorial service of a dear aunt, and upon reflecting on her life, that is my conclusion. I’m not living right...
Aunt Gert suffered in her youth the loss of her mother; later, the crushing loss of her son to war in Vietnam; the early death of her beloved husband; a heart attack; and then endured the consequences of a debilitating stroke. The notation in the margin of her Bible, penned after the death of her son: "Lord help me not become bitter!!"
And she did not...I presume this lack of bitterness was not just a gift that floated out of heaven to lay on her shoulders like a mantle of peace, but rather the result of daily battles against it, hard-fought, with gut-wrenching determination and not a few tears...
No, I’m not living right...I marinate in bitterness, thinking it my right. I suffuse my mind with cynicism, thinking myself bright. I criticize and judge, bemoan and regret...and a lot of times, I hate my life.
Aunt Gert, who chose gratefulness and trust, over bitterness and cynicism, also noted on paper, "I love life!" And now that is her legacy, a heritage passed on to her children, and to all the others who loved her...I sat in that church today surrounded by a community who gathered to appreciate her, to love her grieving children, to thank God for all that He had given our little world when he gave her to us – and I was ashamed of my sinful heart...ashamed of my faithlessness...ashamed of my weakness to fail to live with purpose...
Aunt Gert, thanks for the admonition once again . Thanks for showing me the end from the beginning...It is a better path, and I will change course to walk on it.
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