Flummoxed...

Flummox: 1. To bewilder; confound; confuse

I’ll admit that I expected this to be a media only crisis. I thought the mainstream media started the hype to change the subject to distract from other issues that were turning into a detriment to their usual agenda. I actually said to my husband, (and I know this sounds heartless – but I’m not, really) “One thousand deaths in China is not that big a percentage over there. Why is this getting blown up?”

Pursuing more information, and putting it into the framework of what has happened in the past, my conclusion was that, indeed, we should be careful about exposure just like we are when there is a particularly nasty flu, and it is widespread in our community.

And then, I heard that the NBA was suspending their season. I don’t even watch the NBA and it’s weird that this was the event that startled me but when I thought about the millions of dollars they were ceding to an intangible threat, I was incredulous. What was going on?

As well, Seattle seemed to be the “epicenter” for the American landing of the coronavirus. Usually, our west coast is the last to such an event. Surreal.

A day later, my husband flew to Washington DC for his annual trip as liaison for the Northwest Center For Small Fruit Research. There was nothing to indicate that this was an unwise decision but he reported that the plane was unusually empty.

And then I was gob-smacked to hear that ALL the schools were closing for 6 weeks. The threat had passed from hypothetical to existential. People started stockpiling goods; new closures every day, all events cancelled. It was bewildering! Confounding! Confusing!

Randy returned from DC and we decided that we needed to live as if he had been exposed. He had been with crowds in the Metro, at the Capitol, in restaurants, airports, the plane…Though the plane was so empty for the flight back to Seattle that no one had to share a row unless they wanted to. No visits with parents, grandkids, even distancing from each other as much as possible for two weeks.

I’ve spent the past week flummoxed, muddling through the day, distracted by my thoughts and discomfort at the threat of people dying, and the threat of losing our freedom as opposed to giving it up for a greater good. Should we be giving it up? Where are the lines, the boundaries, the path to follow?

I think I am so unnerved because this is a time where my intuition, my conclusion about the circumstances is in total opposition to the course that has been laid out for us to follow. The information we receive is at times contradictory. I don’t know who to trust. I have come to distrust much of the media as they always seem to have an agenda. I’m uncertain about the scientific community as I see them also being influenced by the agendas of those who fund their research. We need to government to help – but their track record for efficiency and efficacy is abysmal at best.

And so, I am flummoxed. But I am not overcome because I have two things: My God, and my neighbor. I am to love them both – and I know that they are there for me. If I need help, they will be there.

We saw it right away. Neighbors helping neighbors. Caring for the community. Making sacrifices for each other whether that means closing a business for the time being, or staying away from each other, or risking exposure to lend a hand. It’s leaving some toilet paper on the shelf for others. It’s buying takeout and leaving a big tip. It’s visiting through a window to make sure someone feels loved. It’s creating special shopping hours for the elderly. For some, it’s working less, and others – working much more.

And I know that while there is pain, and probably more ahead, God will use it to bring us to a better place than before. He always does, if we are willing to lean in and learn. Who knows what good thing may grow out of these circumstances?

So, bewildered, confounded, confused, I carry on. More confounding decisions are in the offing. More confusion, more hard work and conflict in discerning the actions we must take. More reason to put our trust in God who says, “I know the plans I have for you, plans for good and not evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me; when you seek me with all your heart.” Jer. 29:11