Stroke of NOT Genius...

So, I had a little stroke.

Literally, just a tiny little bit of my brain died.

My deficits were small and already are mostly gone. Others can’t tell that my speech had been slurred and my right side weak, but I know there is still progress to be made. If you were watching me type this, you would see it! I’ve never been a great typist but I’ve lost my speedy backspacing skills and so this is a much slower process than before. With practice and intention, I have no slur in my speech, my arm is getting stronger and more accurate in movement and the profound tiredness is easing.

I am blessed that I will return to normal abilities. And I am blessed to understand with sympathy the fears and discouragement when normal life is upended by a body that is changed. Only a little bit of my brain died – but a little bit of my brain died! I wasn’t expecting that!

We all know that one day infirmity will come. Now I know it isn’t so easy as some people make it seem. (God bless you who persevere!) My mind was overwhelmed by the fear that I did something to cause this; the concern that I need to stave off another crisis but don’t know how; the frustration that I can’t participate in life as I wish; the things I did automatically now take effort and intent. My mind is full of opportunities that my body won’t allow right now…I fear that my life will be reduced to less than what I want. Ideas and opportunities I saved for later will not be realized.

The first few nights my mind was spinning; my heart in turmoil with fear. And I realized that if I did not trust God to be good and to keep me through suffering, I would be living a life that is less than what I want. I would be ruining my future. My fears would be realized no matter what happens in my body. The only answer to my fear is to TRUST GOD. Stop rehearsing the fears; stop trying to my own find solutions. TRUST GOD. He is GOOD. He has all things in His control.

He has blessed me by giving me an opportunity to learn this more practically in my life with an event I didn’t know I needed. His purpose for me has not changed. The scenery may be different, or may be only slightly altered, but my destination is unchanged. I choose to rest in that truth.

“For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.” Jeremiah 29:11 Amplified Version