All the Things I Haven't Said...

I intended that this blog be a chronicle of my family’s life, recording activities, events and momentous occasions. But it hasn’t turned out that way.

For many months, I have found myself wordless and without motivation to set down in writing the memories that I find precious. And the longer it goes, the harder it gets.

The last couple of years have handed me more responsibilities and obligations and I get weary. Too tired to write. Sometimes, even too tired to lift my head out of the daily pathway to look up and around. I’m afraid that if I interrupt the momentum, I will not have the strength to move forward again.

In my usual fashion, I assume that if I just get past the latest consuming project, get the next responsibility fulfilled, THEN I will have time and mind space to do the things that are important to me…the things I feel I value most.

Ha! I’m a slow learner. I’m 56, and it’s hard to think of a time when I have ever gotten to THEN. I must live differently NOW – because that’s all I have…now.

So, today I am writing, because in my head I believe I am a writer, and therefore, it needs to happen from my hands. And I will not wait for THEN. I will not worry about All the Things I Haven’t Said. I will let go of all the weight of the things I haven’t done here, that I had hped to do. There is no catching up. There is only what I can do today.

Many good and precious things have happened. And they are in my heart, and maybe along the way, I will recount them. But today I commit myself to writing and living the present.

Perhaps if I drop the load of all the things I haven't said, it will be easier.